as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
