You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
