You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
