Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
