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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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