Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
