Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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