The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
