The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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