I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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