Life is so much better after having sex.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
