my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
