Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
