My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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