my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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