I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
