I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
