This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
How external is "for external use only"?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize