hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
