just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
