i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize