Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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