when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
