I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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