An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
