TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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