dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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