I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
