yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
