We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
did i walk over a car last night?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize