I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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