Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
