someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize