I can text with my tongue
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
