Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
