why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
