WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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