His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
