I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
