please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
