the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was confusing and full of hummus
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
