I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i've created a new STD.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
FUCK WHALES
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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