i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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