even my farts smell like vagina
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
