He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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