mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
