oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
