I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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