Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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