we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
