i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize