Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize