she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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