Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
