Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
