I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize