The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
