He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
