OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
