what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
