I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
