I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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