i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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