so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
