HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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