The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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