The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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