there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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