Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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