I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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