I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
