I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
