Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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