I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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