The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
